Here at the WingSPAM, we were fortunate enough to hold an exclusive interview with a brave soul, a turkey from Gobble Poultry Farm. This interview was so powerful, so inspirational, so moving, that it’ll keep your gizzard rocking! Before recording, we asked the interviewee if it was alright to record them; they happily obliged. Having so many beautiful things to say, we decided that it was best to provide a direct transcript of the interview.  

WingSPAM: Before we start, would you like to introduce yourself first, Mr. Turkey?

Mr. Turkey: My name is Meleagris Gallopavo. I would like to thank the Wingspan for having me here for this interview. It is nice to see the American people wanting to learn about the origins of Thanksgiving and how my species came to be the mascot for the beloved holiday. 

WS: Sorry to ask, but could you repeat your name once more?

Mr. T: Of course, it’s Meleagris Gallopavo. 

WS: Melagrease?

Mr. T: Meleagris.

WS: Mel- Mr. Turkey? Anyways, I have been informed that you have given up your life for a hot meal, is that correct? 

Mr. T: Well, actually, it’s not only about the food, it is about us (the turkeys) helping the American people get together and appreciate one another’s company. Of course, while food is a highly essential part of celebrating the holiday, there is more to it than that. 

WS: What are your favorite Thanksgiving dishes?

Mr. T: I’ve never been to a feast before so I do not know, but that’s not what’s really important here. Remember that you wanted to discuss the origin of Thanksgiving. 

WS: Oh, right. But if you were to choose, which would you? I think my favorite dish is macaroni and cheese! Although I can’t really have cheese, it tastes amazing! Maybe as your final meal, you should ask for it!

Mr. T: As a turkey, we aren’t allowed to make such demands before we are killed. It is part of the sacred ritual. 

WS: That’s horrible! If you’d like, I can sneak in some macaroni for you. 

Mr. T: That won’t be necessary. Can we continue on with the questions? Relating to the origins of Thanksgiving, that is.

WS: Oh yes, of course. Going back to the first question, who started this tradition in the chicken bloodline? Were you tricked by the government in agreeing to be killed?

Mr. T: I am not a chicken. I am a turkey, and no, we were not tricked by the government to–

WS: That’s what people who were tricked by the government would say!

Mr. T: No. I promise we agreed on our own accord.

WS: But why? Could you elaborate more on that? 

Mr. T: In an effort for peace, we turkeys came up with an ingenious plan. We would be held as the main entree for one night, where all people, no matter their differences, would get together and give thanks for everything they still have. 

WS: Just between you and me, I think the government is definitely tampering with your food. 

Mr. T: For your information, good sir, I am only fed the highest quality grains and berries as fresh as the day they were grown. 

WS: I’m on Keto too!! How many meals have you planned this week? Wait, am I too a turkey?

Mr. T: Listen, I’m the turkey here, and we should be talking about Thanksgiving, not diets. 

WS: Wait, so I’ve been living a lie my whole life? 

Mr. T: Yes you have. Getting back on track, the true story goes something like this: when the Europeans came to this land, most notably the pilgrims of Plymouth aboard the Mayflower, they immediately attempted to take over indigenous homes. After millions of casualties and incredible losses, not to mention the diseases that were brought over by the Pilgrims from Europe, the indigenous people were forced out of the land. The pilgrims harshly persecuted the indigenous people for their non-puritan beliefs. Many people believe that the indigenous people were invited to the feast. What really happened is that the pilgrims were celebrating the fall harvest. The pilgrims were so rowdy that it stoked curiosity among the Wampanoag tribe, and some members of the tribe went to check it out. They were prepared for war, to say the least. 

WS: I wasn’t talking about that. I was talking about the fact that I have been secretly a chicken all my life! But yeah, cool story bro.

Mr. T: It’s a harsh truth not many Americans, like yourself, even realize had happened as a part of early American history.  

WS: Were you there yourself during the wars?

Mr. T: Of course I wasn’t, but my ancestors were. Generations upon generations, this truth has been passed down, all the way to me. Very similar to how many folk tales have been passed down through word of mouth. 

WS: If you weren’t there, how can I know you’re telling the truth? You could be lying to me so that I can join the chicken Illuminati! Plus if the story has been passed down for generations to generation, how can we know that your fellow chickens aren’t lying?

Mr. Turkey was silent for a moment before he answered. It might have been due to the very hard question that was asked. 

Mr. T: “Well, me and my fellow T U R K E Y S, have been able to accurately catalog information throughout the generations thus far. It is highly unlikely that the origin story of our greatest sacrifice is just a misconception amongst ourselves.

WS: There is no way one of our greatest holidays holds a past like that. I cannot fathom this!  

Mr. T: Right. That’s probably due to the whitewashing provided by school systems. Are there any other questions preferably related to Thanksgiving?

WS: Have you ever been on a boat? I’m sure your chicken ancestors have when they rode with the Pilgrims to America. Can you swim? I know you can’t fly; which is quite sad knowing that you’re a bird.

Mr. T: How did we get so diverted? First of all, turkeys are native to North America. We were here before the pilgrims. Now I’m getting off-topic. Can we please focus on Thanksgiving? 

WS: Of course. Knowing about all of the tragedies the indigenous people faced, are you still willing to give up your life so that an American family can enjoy a holiday made on false pretenses?

Mr. T: Well, I would say–

WS: I mean, many of those same indigenous American tribes were forced from their homes and set up to live in government-issued reservations, and weren’t even fortunate to get a hot meal most nights. This is still happening today, is it not?

Mr. T: I see your point–

WS: Did you even know that indigenous organizations don’t get as much funding as other organizations? These organizations represent a population that has suffered and is excluded throughout history. It’s a shame that Americans forget that there are still people who suffer from the past. There are long-lasting effects that come from traumatic events such as genocide, yet you still seem to think that you are doing good by sacrificing yourself for the very people that eradicated nearly a whole population for their greedy needs.

Mr. T: I never actually thought of–

WS: Having extensive knowledge of the true history of early America, do you agree that you still continue to follow tradition for a day on which we celebrate how successful we were in essentially sweeping a mass genocide under the carpet?

Mr. T: Yes but–

WS: The reservations, all of which can be added up would only be the size of Idaho. These reservations hold very high rates of crime, alcoholism, suicide, gang membership, and sexual and domestic violence. Native Americans only make up for 2 million of the 327.2 million U.S. citizens. Those 2 million Natives that make up for the United States population have the highest poverty rate— almost twice as much as any other racial group! 

Mr. T: I was not aware of these statistics-

WS: Not only that, but some of those same reservations have been compared to no more than a third-world country. Is there not a shadow of a doubt that in your mind you are in fact guilty by association for voluntarily taking part in this outlandish scheme to divert the attention of the American people from the truth? 

Mr. Turkey had to ponder the questions that were asked, but before he could gobble up the courage to answer, there was one lingering question, the most important question of this interview.

WS: Above all else, are you openly denying that you are in fact related to the dinosaurs?

Once again, Mr. Turkey grew silent. This answer would be the answer to all answers! The science has been proven according to youcannotbelievethis.rog; but we just needed the confirmation of a chicken (luckily this one could talk). After a few gobbles to himself, he answered; 

Mr. T: I am a T U R K E Y!

WS: Yes. But are you a D I N O S A U R? 

Mr. T: I’m sorry, but I thought this interview was about the origins of Thanksgiving? Not about the origin of Turkeys.

WS: You are absolutely right, gobble.

Mr. T: What was that?

WS: Whatever do you mean? gobble gobble.

Mr. T: No, seriously– wHAT was that?

WS: GoBbLE?

Mr. T: I can’t do this anymore.

WS: What can’t you do? Be a chicken?

Mr. T: No! I told you, time and time again– I AM NOT A CHICKEN!! My whole life has been a lie. This was supposed to be the most important contribution to my life! This is crazy, what was I thinking!? I can’t do this, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!

WS: You’re such a gobbled mess… Are you okay? Gobble 

Mr. T: gObBLe this, GoBBlE that! GOBBLE GOBBLE! Reporter– What is my purpose? To be served on a silver platter for human consumption? So that’s my purpose… If only I could be free, I could live a life worth living… There must be more out there for me than grains and delicious insects. How could I be blinded by tradition? The indigenous people died for this? Just so Americans can whitewash the truth and celebrate thanks– thanks to what? The death of millions upon millions of innocent people, that’s what. How could my ancestors have been so blind? You have opened my eyes, Wingspan reporter! I can now see your true intentions. All those idiotic questions and getting off track– it was to show me the error in my ways it makes perfect sense now! I can’t go through with this, I don’t want to do this anymore. Please brother— You’ve got to help me and my fellow inmates escape.

WS: Birds of a feather flock together.

After Mr. Turkey and I devised a plan to distract the farmers, the two of us, along with the entire chicken gang, booked it. Now together, here in the Wingspan press room, turkey and man have made a truce. We have decided to create an organization in informing unfortunate souls who have been blinded by the true history of Thanksgiving and the cursed luck of the turkeys. We hope to bring awareness to all Turkey kind as well as teach the American people why and how Thanksgiving has come to be; the holiday of lies.

The following article is a work of satire, a literary work that uses humor, exaggeration, and irony to mock, criticize, or poke fun at a social or political trend.  All facts, details, quotes, and statistics are made up by the author.  

For a more formal investigation into the history and controversy surrounding the Thanksgiving holiday, please refer to an editorial the Wingspan published last year here.