It started as an innocent joke on the Internet, but this is more pandemonium than any of us had imagined. “VSCO girls” have begun to take over every social media platform they can get their hands on. According to Dictionary.com, the term “VSCO Girl” “refers to a young, usually white woman who posts trendy images of themselves or anything they can capture and edit them in an app called VSCO.” These girls can easily be spotted on the Internet as well as in everyday life. 

To identify one of these “VSCO Girls,” you must know the six main criteria: 

• Scrunchies: a frilly type of hairband that these girls wear up and down both arms (some even wear them as sleeves to protect themselves from the cold).
• Hydro flasks: a reusable water jug that clanks loudly from a distance. It is essential to carry around, as these girls are always promoting  “Save the turtles!” Even if you can’t hear the ear-piercing noise, you’ll know they have one in their possession. ALWAYS. 
• Metal straws: that they carry in a case around their necks that is attached to a lanyard. But beware, these are used as weapons to destroy plastic straw users
• Shell necklaces: bring out the “environmentalist” in these girls. Some say if you rip it off these girl’s necks, they transform into sea turtles! But you didn’t hear that from me.
• Oversized t-shirts: (no need for sleeves as the scrunchies provide protection from the cold). Some even own XXXXXXL shirts purchased off BigOl’Tshirts.cop.

And the worst symptom of all:

• Stating the terms “and I oop-” and “sksksk” unironically.

These attributes allow for the normal person to easily discover a “VSCO girl.” Nowadays, the “trendy” and fatal disease is striking Norristown Area High School.

Those cursed words will haunt your mind; “Sksksk… And I oop..” Just writing them gave this otherwise objective journalist the shivers. 

Although the “VSCO girls” disease is normally associated with young, white females, our diverse student body at Norristown has been taken over by this infection, slowly but surely, it has even started to affect the teachers.

What we do know is that you should avoid these “VSCO girls” as best as you can. Once they have asserted themselves into your friend group, there is no turning back. It is believed that the best way to not get affected is to delete all of social media, lessen your time in public places, and if all else fails, isolate yourself from anything and anyone at all times. Sadly, numbers have been rising this year, due to the sudden outburst of “VSCO girls.” About 16% of social media users have claimed to be facing symptoms of the “VSCO girl disease,” according to a study from youcannotbeleivethis.rog. 

Everywhere now, people are purchasing hydro flasks and scrunchies. The scrunchie business has skyrocketed by 1,000% since last quarter. The company, ScrUnch reported purchasing CVS, replacing the pharmaceutical aisle with the frilly hair accessories. I previously visited the store to buy tissue boxes but ended up with 76 packs of scrunchies (even wearing them on my arms for fun now)! How am I going to blow my nose? 

For now, there seems to be a decrease in how fast the disease is spreading. I luckily caught myself before it was too late by reducing the time I spend on social media. I have not seen too many of these “VSCO girls,” but sadly, I did catch a post about a father dressing up as a “VSCO girl” for Halloween. I grimaced in disgust. The disease has now mutated; allowing itself to pray on older generations. 

Speaking of Halloween, it seems that this holiday will be a dreadful one, as now people won’t just be running away from ghouls and the living dead, but they have to be on the lookout for  “VSCO girls.” “Oop!” is the new “Boo!”

Remember to stay clear of any stray scrunchies on the ground, as they might be contaminated. Hopefully, there won’t be too many outbreaks after Halloween if people are cautious. 

Inching closer to the end of the year, there is hope that the “VSCO girls disease” will die off on its own, but it seems that it’s only the beginning; don’t even get me started on the “E-Boy” invasion… 

The following article is a work of satire, a literary work that uses humor, exaggeration, and irony to mock, criticize, or poke fun at a social or political trend.  All facts, details, quotes, and statistics are made up by the author.